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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Old dogs...

Invariably birthdays make us stop and think about what we've done so far in our lives and where we're going. Being that today is my 48th birthday (or my 50 minus 2, like I like to call it) and I have been announcing it loudly for a few days already, people are wishing me a happy one since early this morning. It also helps that Facebook reminds everyone about the occasion.

This morning, someone asked me: "Do you feel any different?" And in my best smart ass I answered, that I wasn't born until 10:50pm, so I don't know yet. The truth is that I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now and here are some thoughts about it:

1) Man, do I hate to be called mister! But the truth is that I've become my dad. Not a bad thing, if you know my dad, but still, difficult to swallow. I see this high school kids at Steph's school and they look like babies to me.

2) I wouldn't be 18 again for all the money in the world... and don't tell me... but if I knew then, what I know now... we wouldn't be 18, OK? 8-)

3) While I'm still relatively young, or not that old, depending on your perspective and age... My body no longer does what I command it to do with any degree of precision. I think that I can jump over something or lift an object to find out that my brain didn't get the memo about our latest capabilities...

4) There is something about this wisdom thing. I'm still making many mistakes on a daily basis, but there are a few things that are different:

a. I'm no longer oblivious about my mistakes... I tend to realize my mistakes, either right when I make them or immediately after.

b. It has become easier (if not less difficult) to admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

c. When in doubt, ask for forgiveness.

5) It turns out that I know less now, that when I was 18. Back in 1981, I had the right answer to every question and shame on you if you didn't listen to me or allowed me to tell you what was wrong with you.

6) I've suffered from the sin of pride since early on, now I'm fully aware of my "disease". Pride for me is about fear and insecurity. That's why my life's motto is: "Pride is a killer".

7) Silly things bother me a lot less than they used to.

8) I have less tolerance for injustice.

9) I appreciate my parents and the sacrifices they made for me and my siblings so, so very much!

10)I'm so much more merciful and forgiving of others, because God knows that I badly need the same from others.

11) Even though I suffer from depression, I try to laugh as much as possible...

12) I've been thinking a lot about what my legacy is going to be... and I truly don't know. I've been mostly selfish, impatient, mediocre and intolerant. I hope that people will remember how I laughed at myself and attempted to love in spite of my limitations...

Well, that's enough about me for at least one year. Thanks for allowing me to indulge and philosophize.

I love you all, for being in my life. Please forgive me when I have hurt you. Please put in a good word for me with the Boss! 8-)

1 comment:

Connie said...

Great stuff Panchi. Glad we met you back in the day when we were younger but uglier. We're all so much better looking now. ;)

And even gladder we've re-connected.

Enjoy your day!